that joke isn't funny anymore

Stickhandling off the ice explained!

Alright, so it's drills for when ice isn't available. Makes perfect sense now that you tell me. But I still like my theory better.

PS We won! Yay!

Shanny's back, tell a friend

What more can I say? Top billin'!

the girls, they love to see you shoot

Here's the day in hockey recap:

Rangers take it in overtime, another game winner from my man MC.

Rangers coach Tom Renney says MC's game is better because Cullen finally got his wife "under control."

New York Islanders coach Ted Nolan wins the Douchebag of the Week award. (last paragraph).

Enjoy!

though you're not mine, I can't deny you

Jorge was there. I think he grew. For serious, dude was 7 ft tall all of a sudden. He was there and 9 million ugly awful Islanders fans were there.

And we gave up the first goal, but I didn't cry.

Then we got a goal (on a Cullen assist) and I didn't cry either.

But when it went to a shootout, and Matt Cullen got the only goal and made us win and was named the #1 star of the game, well, I didn't cry then either, but I did clap and scream and jump. "That's MY Matt Cullen," I said.

Don't you forget it.

miss me, miss me, now you've got to kiss me

Jorge, you fool! Not only did you miss me (you poor, poor thing!) but you also missed a 4-0 win.

Rangers fans, you can thank me. I wore the lucky socks and jersey, I had the traditional pre-game cup of coffee and in-game giant beer (and braved the ladies room, as one would have to after consuming that much liquid). I kept my spirits high, watched Matt Cullen's every move (that part was easy — ooh, and click that link to see him biting, just like me!) and even read the dreaded work email during the game — If I read this email, Henrik will hold his shut out.

He did. He rules. I rule. My night was magnificent.

And today at work totally sucked a butt. You can't have it all, kids. This I know for sure.

would you knooooooow MYYYYY naaaaaaaaame?

I've got a new pretend boyfriend at the hockey game. He sits in my section and seems to have the same ticket plan I do. He is cute. I insisted that Dollie pick a name for him (I have to call him something), and she named him Jorge.

"Why Jorge?"

"Well, I told you I thought he was French!"

There was laughing. There was screaming. And that's all there is to say about that

hear the sound of marching, charging feet

Who is awesome? Sean Avery, who called Martin Brodeur (UGH!) a big whiner. A BIG WHINER! YES!!! And I missed it. Why? Because of a bleeping Knicks game, I had to watch the Rangers/Devils game on the Devils channel (though MSG said "Tune in to MSG2," there was no MSG2 last night). Grr. Still and all, Sean Avery is my new hero. Also, I watched the game, and saw the "goalie interference/roughing" moment in replay 62 times, and Brodeur started it. Whiner. BIG WHINER! Also, they are the Devils. And I am confident that God don't like ugly OR evil, I don't care how much they win.

you're ugly because you're ugly

The Rangers won again (oh thank you thank you, lovelies) thanks in no small part, I'm certain, to my rediscovery of the power of a well-placed "You're ugly!" scream at the other team during the game. It got us the Cup in 1994, I assure you, and calling Pavel Bure ugly wasn't easy. "LeCavalier, you're an ugly bastard and you stink" stuck in my throat on Friday night as well, but it turned into a 5-0 win. Good thing 90 percent of the most beautiful players are on our team.

dressed in green, saying something obscene

Everything I know tells me you don't start an entry bragging about how good your team is doing at the start of the game. Except last Monday, when I did, it was our greatest game ever. So the Rangers are up 2-0 on the Red Wings right now. Cullen got an assist on a Shanahan goal (against Detroit — this is a big deal), and Nylander followed up about 10 seconds later with the second goal. Gorgeous. Now Cullen's in the penalty box. Oh, we just killed their power play. Lovely.

Boo. Detroit just scored.

Have I mentioned that Matt Cullen's dad made a training video? He was a hockey coach. Well, it's called "Stickhandling, On and Off the Ice." Doesn't that sound like something that we (we being me plus Dollie) said during a game (because I'm sure we have).

TV Commentator: "He's got some great stickhandling, Bob"
j and/or d: Ho ho! On and off the ice.

The game is just lousy with really lame dirty jokes, which are always funny.

So yeah, 2-1. We're on the power play. And I'm going to go away for now. But wait, there will be more. Keep us in your thoughts, won't you?

Liam Neeson and Natasha Richardson are there. Liam Neeson is there a lot. How come I never see him?

Ooh, now it's 3-1.

Noooooooooooooooooo! Now it is 4-3, and we don't have 4.

They lose. I cry and cry and I die.

three will love you so much

Wouldn't it be a kick if I started calling hockey games right here (live-blogging, I think the kids call it). Well, it would be a kick for me. Anyway, the second period of the Rangers at the Bruins is just starting, and we're up 2-1.

And which line did both of those goals come from? The third line. The line they bumped Matt Cullen (Eeee!) to because he was apparently outclassed as a second-line center. Whatever. Now he's centering Prucha and Ortmeyer. That is a trio I can really get into. Two Americans, even. And we (yes, now this is MY line) got both goals. So there.

PS And yes, I am the top search result for "stab myself in the neck". Good times.

PPS 8:18: Now it's 3-1. And yep, my line again.

Oh, and 8:22: Boston power play. Rangers' short handed goal. Whose? Matt Cullen's. It's 4-1. My line has all four goals.

Alrighty. It's 9:41. It's a 6-1 final, thanks to Shanahan's penalty shot and a Nylander goal. It wasn't an ALL third-line victory, but close enough. And what a joy! I can't remember the last time I had this much fun. Seriously.