Monday, June 23, 2008

new boys

So I watched many hours of the NHL draft this weekend, and it was an even more fruitless endeavor than usual. My central scouting report generally consists of, "Hey that kid is cute, let's pick him," but this year I couldn't even tell how foxy our picks were because apart from the first round they never showed them. Bettman's already trying to pretend the Rangers don't exist by banishing coverage of them on the NHL channel! They were not seen, not covered, hardly mentioned. Fuck off back to your PT Cruiser dealership Bettman.
Actually I did research some of these prospects and was disheartened to lose out on Kyle Beach, who went to the Blackhawks with the 11th pick. I had heard this before, but the talking heads kept taunting me by constantly describing him as a 6'3" cross between Shanahan and Avery which roughly translates into dreamboat. At least he's in the western conference and will probably get the opportunity to play next year.
Not only do we not have the new Avery, we may not have the real Avery. It's looking like he won't be donning a blueshirt next season and every report breaks my heart. Luckily I can medicate my pain this summer with MVP - He Shoots, She Scores, my new favorite show. Turns out "Who Taught You to Live Like That?" penned by the excellent Jay Ferguson of Sloan is actually the theme song. Then one of the storylines involves the very cute captain of the team trying to romance a bumbling virgin. Wait a minute, did I write this show? Admittedly MVP is a pretty poor soap opera, but not bad enough for me to stop watching. My favorite story line is the team slut/asshole who tapes his numerous sexual encounters and keeps them in his TV cabinet. Thanks to Jane's keen eye it turns out Damon has a few surprises in his tape collection including a Rico AND a Sidney!!! Very funny stuff. But Mr. Sather, you know I have it in me to enjoy MVP and a resigning of Avery, Jagr and Shanahan in the next week.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

He's shoots. We score!

So tonight is the US premiere of the nighttime soap opera MVP on Soapnet. It's already been cancelled in Canada, but that will not deter me from enjoying the stuffing out of it. As if they hadn't already drawn me in with locker room intrigue, they used a Sloan song in one of the promos. Hopefully I'll be seeing Sloan in person at 11pm when it premieres, but I'm all over this ASAP.

Also here's a couple of quick links for fun articles:
Larry Brooks sounds off on NHL Refs, Sidney Crosby and Canada's self-love in last Sunday's column:

The Onion has this gem:

And lastly Sean Avery leaves us with the tastiest vision this June in People magazine:,,20207539,00.html
What are the chances that Sather will let Avery select the first draft pick tomorrow night? In a speedo maybe, a Rangers speedo of course.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

please be kidding

As if it's not bad enough that the majority of nationally telecast hockey games get relegated to Versus, that channel can't even manage to air the NHL awards properly. I know only 20 people probably watch it in the US, but you'd think it wouldn't take 3 tries to find the right Canadian satellite feed! It wasn't until the program actually came on that I remembered how horrible it is. I haven't reserved any brain space to recall who the host is, but he's woefully unfunny. At least Mike Babcock and Ovechkin were there to add their sweet smiles to the proceedings, especially as the fucking thing cut off just as they're about to present the Vezina trophy. The one opportunity to glimpse my Henrik (enough of Zetterberg in the front row!) ruined. Maybe it's better though because that bitch Brodeur won his 4th trophy and his speech was pure asshole. Check it out:

I should have known that the best footage would be on MSG (it's the first clip). Thank you John Giannone. Did you notice Henrik looks a touch puffier than he did in the playoffs? I'm glad even he put on some post-season pounds. I don't think Avery will be calling him fatso anytime soon, but it looks like he tried that pastry and ice cream diet I was working on through May to numb his disappointment.

I cannot wait until Avery wins the Stanley Cup (with the Rangers of course) and gets to parade around with it at NHL awards. Please be next year, please!

Sunday, June 8, 2008

when worlds collide

Holy Fuck, did Chris Murphy win the Conn Smythe trophy? The award is much coveted but really the trophy is ugliest in sports. It looks like they made it out of a discarded 1960s kitchen cabinet and some leftover tinfoil. But no wonder I was unconsciously pulling for Henrik Zetterberg to shine in the Stanley Cup finals because his first name coupled with his slightly cross-eyed look remind me too much of men I love. Plus both he and Chris kinda resemble Bjorn Borg and you gotta love him. Good on you Zetterberg (even though the wrong Henrik won) and maybe Chris should move to Sweden to achieve superstardom.