Monday, June 29, 2009

But I wanted the "REAL" fake glove!

Michael Jackson may be the King of Pop, but when I was in the 3rd Grade he was the king of everything, especially my heart. The girls in my class constantly fought over who was gonna be his future wife, but we were united in thinking that slut Billie Jean had better hit the curb. I had a beautiful foldout poster I procured from the Day & Night convenience store that I pinned up in the spot of honor directly behind my bed. I would lovingly give my 2-D Michael a goodnight kiss before bed. The ubiquitous Beat It jacket was for sale at the local Jamesway (your way!). The boys section had a liberally stocked rack featuring every size from toddler to teenager. As badly as I wanted it the price tag and the obvious male location of the item kept me from outright asking for it, but I did have my heart set on the very poor facsimile white glove they were hawking. I just had to have it if only to moonwalk in the privacy of my own bedroom, but no go. My parents countered, "What do you need one glove for? Where will you even wear a single glove?" There was no convincing them, but I must have pestered them enough that my mom (channeling Eddie Murphy's mom) said she could make me a better one herself. Despite her best efforts, the resulting glove was a travesty - a thin cotton sheath with maybe 3 silver sequins glued to it. At least she insured that it would not be worn outside the house. Today when I asked her to set aside any MJ memorabilia she comes across in the house she had the temerity to say to me, "I think you have a glove somewhere here..." Yeah, a fake fake glove. Thanks a lot mom. Anyway I never mastered the moonwalk, never became Mrs. Jackson, never was known as the Gloved One, but I did meet Michael Jackson and he was a delight. Very sweet, polite and respectful and I'll miss him.

What does Michael Jackson have to do with hockey? Not much except I believe he would have enjoyed watching the draft for the same reasons I watch every year. This 2009 edition had some buildup, some energy but as the evening wore on my excitement wore out. Still I'm happy with our pick, the top high schooler Chris Kreider. So it may take him a few years to even contemplate the NHL, but I'll wait. He's rocking an old timey WWII look I really dig - and he's fast. We're gonna need some speed in the wings especially now that Sather has bypassed a qualifying offer to my dear Freddie Sjostrom. The utter willingness to not only dismantle but totally disregard the 4th line is appalling and inexplicable to me. I know we have young kids who could fill those spots but will they comprise the leagues' top penalty kill and feature one of the top enforcers? I doubt it and I mourn. Word is Renney wants them in Edmonton. I tell you if he completely transports Freddie, Blair Betts and Colton Orr to Canada I'm on board as an Oilers fan. This is a double blow with Pronger joining the Flyers. Who's gonna protect Henrik? Orr may not be physically in the crease muscling out intruders, but his right arm keeps many attempts to assassinate our King at bay. With this news I'm not sure I'm up for any more surprises when free agency hits this Wednesday. Prove me wrong Sather, I dare you.


:el fano: said...

awhhhh ButterMcFakeGlove... i love how your words just melt off the page ... like "buttery" goodness on warm AM toast! =) thank you for sharing, and for your hockey-[know]-how! much love xo xo :el fano:

j said...

Amazing. I really think this is your best work yet.

dollie said...

Thanks peeps! You're both the best!

much love, dollo